CLEARING OUR ASSUMPTIONS
Last week, I was reminded of the power of assumptions as I was preparing for what I thought would be a rather difficult conversation. My assumption was that the conversation would go poorly - I was nervous that the other person might react unfavorably and defensively.
Before engaging, I practiced noticing, and clearing my assumptions, using the practice of assumption clearing. Asking myself:
What are my assumptions?
What is the impact of these assumptions?
How are these assumptions getting in the way?
And what can be different, or possible, for this conversation if I’m able to set these assumptions aside ahead of time?
I worked to clear my assumptions (because they were strong, I needed to repeat the above steps a few times). I then visualized how I wanted to show up for the conversation - from a place of kindness and understanding - and pictured the best possible outcome for both parties.
Much to my surprise, the conversation went incredibly well - and the other person responded with kindness and understanding in return. If I would have engaged based on my assumptions, I suspect that the conversation would have gone much differently.
This is the power of assumptions - we often get what we assume will happen. And because oftentimes our assumptions aren’t positive, this means that we get a less powerful result.
Noticing our assumptions and working to set them aside can be a powerful practice to improve our conversations, our relationships, our leadership, and our life. And, for me - and for most people I know - this remains an ongoing opportunity for practicing.
For more, you may enjoy the third invitation of Expansive Impact: an invitation to lead in everyday moments, which is Be Clear: Lead in Relationship to Reality.
Inspiration for this concept comes from the Co-Active Training Institute, along with The Work of Byron Katie.