The Dude in the Coffee Shop, and Not Being a Chill Host
A few weeks ago, we talked about The Guy in the Parking Lot.
Today, let’s talk about The Dude in the Coffee Shop.
Specifically, the dude who turned the entire coffee shop into his own video production studio.
Last weekend, I visited a favorite coffee shop with one of my besties. It was a Saturday morning, and the coffee shop was bustling.
Upon walking in the door, we were surrounded by a group of about 8 individuals filming video content. The videographer zipped back and forth in the doorway, with a serious look on his face —capturing not only his cast of amateur actors, but also every non-consenting member of the film's backdrop (essentially, anyone who was attempting to buy a coffee).
This production was highly disruptive. Not only was the “film crew” standing right inside the doorway, creating a massive obstruction, but they refused to answer any questions about what they were doing, or to pause to allow those of us who didn't want to be part of this secret filming operation to pass through without being caught on video, in order to get to the coffee counter.
On Monday, I dropped a note to the coffee shop owners to inquire about the film production, and share a bit of feedback about the impact of this “production” on the typically-awesome coffee shop experience. Of course, this was shared with Truth + Heart.
They promptly and thoughtfully replied that they weren’t aware that this customer would be creating a film production; instead, they thought that he was coming in for a meeting. They shared that they don’t actually allow video/photo shoots during daytime hours, and that these are only allowed after hours, and when scheduled.
While unpacking this situation with a friend and Business Bestie at a table outside of this very same coffee shop following the “incident,” she astutely pointed out that this was not as much an issue with the Dude in the Coffee Shop, but rather with the leaders of the coffee shop, for not saying anything, when the video shoot was a clear violation of their policies.
Her point was a good one.
It reminded me of this statistic on the impact of hiring one highly productive “toxic worker,” compared to several less productive but more cooperative workers.
And, of what Priya Parker encourages in her book, The Art of Gathering, which is not to be a “chill host.”
As leaders, sometimes we need to speak up, make hard decisions, and have hard conversations with individuals, in order to protect the integrity of the whole.
This could mean addressing, versus allowing, inappropriate behavior from our highest performing sales person.
This could mean speaking up when our weekly leadership meeting gets wildly off track, instead of allowing it to meander, directionless, for 45 minutes.
It could mean speaking up and saying, “this isn't what we stand for,” if we witness behavior that is misaligned with our company's values or operating agreements.
Or, it could mean re-setting expectations with our highest paying client who is mistreating members of our team.
These conversations are rarely easy in the moment.
But they are often essential for protecting the integrity of the whole –whether that whole is our company, our team, our culture, or perhaps the delightful and welcoming vibe of our coffee shop or local business.
What do you think?
Are you navigating any tricky situations along these lines currently?
Feel free to leave a comment and let me know, if so.
Question to Consider
What does the system (team, company, family, meeting) need from me, as a leader, in this moment?
What hard conversations with individuals am I currently avoiding, that could help to serve the greater good?
How are my actions as an individual currently impacting the system, or the whole?
Are there any meetings or groups that I'm currently leading, where I'm being too much of a chill host?
