UNDERSTANDING AND AGREEMENT: THEY AREN'T THE SAME THING.
Understanding and agreement are not the same thing.
We can work to understand someone else’s perspective. And still, this doesn’t mean that we will both agree.
We can approach others with a spirit of curiosity and acceptance, without aligning on every issue, topic, or point of view…and without trying to.
We can love our friends and family and completely disagree with their views on certain topics.
As the saying goes, “variety is the spice of life.” And as Stephen Covey famously said, we can “seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
Here are a few questions we can use along the way.
TO SEEK UNDERSTANDING:
What’s your perspective?
What do you think?
Can you tell me more about that?
What makes you feel that way?
What led you to arrive at this decision?
What feels important to you about this?
What would you most like me to know about you?
What would you most like me to know about your perspective on this topic?
TO APPRECIATE THE OTHER PERSON AND THEIR POINT OF VIEW:
I appreciate you sharing that.
Thanks for being honest with me.
Thanks for being willing to share that.
I hear what you’re saying.
TO EXPRESS ACCEPTANCE AND UNDERSTANDING, BUT NOT NECESSARILY AGREEMENT.
That’s really interesting.
I hadn’t ever thought of it that way before.
Wow - that’s an interesting perspective.
That’s a perspective I hadn’t before considered.
While I don’t necessarily agree, I fully honor and respect your point of view.
Rather than clinging to an outcome of shared agreement, what if, instead, we let go of that - and worked to simply understand the other person’s perspective?
What if we freed ourselves of the self-appointed duty of convincing others to think the way that we do, and instead focused on listening and allowing our own perspective to be informed and expanded along the way?
Together, we can form a more conscious and compassionate world by asking questions, really listening to what we hear in response, and keeping our hearts open along the way. The world contains variance. Our opportunity as humans and as leaders is to hold space for it all.
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.- Rumi
