Unsolicited Advice
It’s been a funny week of receiving lots of unsolicited advice, on a variety of unrelated topics over here!
This has led me to think about two things:
What do we do with unsolicited (and perhaps unwanted) advice?
And, as leaders, how can we be mindful of not being the ones to give unsolicited and unwanted advice?
As a recipient, here are a few things we can do.
We can consider whether the advice-giver is part of the ambiguous many, or our trusted few. In my case, I welcome advice anytime from my trusted few, whereas I may take advice from the ambiguous many with a grain of salt.
Similarly, we can consider which “layer of the onion” this person is part of. We may decide to both disclose, and welcome in, different types of information with people from different layers.
Consider: is this person's path similar to mine, and is it a path that I admire and respect? Is the person giving the advice someone who I respect and trust?
And finally, we can remember that each person's path and story is different. If someone shares advice based on their own first-hand experience in a way that doesn't necessarily resonate for us, we can remind ourselves that this is their story and not ours.
As leaders and potential advice-givers, we can:
Come back to one of the guiding principles of coaching, which is that people are naturally creative, resourceful, and whole. This means that oftentimes, people have the answers within them —and we don't need to provide the answers externally.
Ask a curiosity-based question (beginning with what or how) rather than giving advice.
Preface advice with something along the lines of, “this has been my experience,” or “feel free to use this (or not) in whatever way works for you.”
What do you think?
Have you been the recipient of any unsolicited or unwanted advice lately?
If so, what would you add to the list?
Questions to Consider
Who are the people in my Trusted Few?
What types of information do I want to share with various people, who fall within different layers of the onion?
What advice do I welcome and accept, and what advice might I release?
Is advice what would feel most supportive in this situation? Or would listening be better?
