Suffering Twice

Yesterday, I caught myself suffering twice.

If we've worked together, it's likely that at some point, we've explored the idea of suffering twice. 

This concept is related to Seneca's quote:

“A man who suffers before it is necessary, suffers more than is necessary.”

Essentially, it is worrying about something that could happen, without factual evidence that it will happen. 

Or, as we talk about in the “Be Clear” section of Expansive Impact, it means that we are worrying based on a version of reality that we've created in our heads, rather than the actual reality that is occurring in the present moment. 

It can sometimes be challenging not to suffer twice, at least a little bit.

Our brains are wired to spot risks and to look for what could be wrong. 

Everyday examples of suffering twice include:

• Worrying about how a meeting will go

• Feeling nervous about meeting with someone who can be difficult

• Fearing a worst-case scenario

• Seeing a meeting invite called “update” and assuming this means we will be fired

• Catastrophizing

• Jumping to conclusions

• Feeling anxious about potential unfavorable outcomes

• Fast forwarding to weeks, months, or years in the future

• Spiraling

If we find ourselves suffering twice, here are a few questions that we can ask. 

• What could it look like to breathe, and come back to the present moment?

• Would a meditation or mindfulness exercise be supportive, perhaps from an app such as insight timer?

• Is the thing I'm worried about true? And, can I be certain that it's true? Hat Tip: Byron Katie. 

• What's the worst that could happen? And, how might I plan, prepare, or address this if it did?

• What can I do right now to set myself up for success?

• How can I turn my worry or concern into some sort of proactive action?

• What is within my sphere of influence, versus what concerns can I release?

What do you think?

Have you encountered any recent examples of suffering twice? 

And, if so, how did you navigate it?